I have been running (albeit very slowly) since July 24, 2010. On August 28, I injured myself and ended up finishing the 10-week beginner running program by walking, but I finished. I ran my first 5K on September 25. I have continued to run since then. Then, why do I think on a daily basis - Is this really me?
Is this really me? Is this the girl that didn't/couldn't/wouldn't play sports in middle/high school because she was fat? Is this the girl that had to ask a friend to take her to senior prom because no guys in her own school asked her? Is this the girl that weighed 340 pounds in May 2000? Is this the girl that lost a ton of weight, yet struggles with food issues every single day? Is this the girl that still sees herself at 340 pounds? No, this is the woman that started running because she wanted to do something different. This is the woman that told every single person she could that she started running, so they could hold her accountable. This is the woman that has continued to run, despite an injury/cold/busy day/hard day because she loves it. So, YES, this is really me.
Despite my love of being able to be outside and run, I am still full of doubts. I feel like I am a big fake, simply because I don't fit the profile of the "normal runner". I am not 130 pounds, far from it, but I am a runner. As I go through each run, seeing others pass me on the trail (sometimes twice), my mind goes back to John Bingham. One his quotes that keeps me moving: "At the heart of the matter, the real changes are in how you think about yourself. By discovering your limitations and then overcoming them, you can learn to be your own hero. And that, for most of us, is the biggest change of all." Daily, I am slowly tearing down the walls of doubt and becoming my own hero, but it will take time for me to convince myself that Yes, this is really me.